One For the Album Sleeve

The Theme From “The Crunchy Biscuits”

ROOOAAAAAARRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In a town in the west, named after the south
There’s a band in a studio off Sussex
Although they play here and now
They come from the past
In the days before the bible in Pre-Atlantis

It was there that a great masterful chef
Baked his first chocolate cake
And he said he would eat it after supper
And woe was this cake the cake of all cakes
And had the people not tasted anything quite like it before

Well this cake was the talk of the town
And the people they did ask if he could make another one
And the chef said he had forgotten how he did it
Well the people were afraid to finish what was left
So they let the cake remain untouched
It grew stale and it turned into a biscuit

Whooaaooaoaoaooaoaoaoaoaooaoaoaoah-ooh!

Woe did the ages pass
Atlantis sank
Continents split
And at the bottom of a temple in the bottom of the sea
Lay the treasure of all treasures the first of all crunchy biscuits

Oooh…

And the gods took a pity
On the near forgotten and half-eaten biscuit
And imbued it with mystical powers
So the biscuit now could dream and it wandered the seas
In spirit form did it search for a new owner
But the fish weren’t too bright
And the dolphins lacked sweet teeth
So the spirit of the biscuit took to land
It was there in the west, named after the south
That the spirit of the mystic biscuit took possession of a rock and roll band
Ladies and gentlemen we present to you…
The Theme From the Crunchy Biscuits

..It's made of Lego!

Following the new song 'got a hat stand, it's made of lego' I have found this mp3 player on the internet in the style of lego. It's a good idea to play your music on a piece of lego for sure! I think these will replace ipods and eventually houses.

http://www.geekalerts.com/lego-style-mp3-player/

-Chris

WAR!

OMG Chris and I are updating you at roughly the same time!

Mine was better!

Wins!

(chris edit:))... no way! i win with my fancy text in blue with italics! I plan to have the best post ever when i document the first ever printer designed to print straight onto biscuits....mmmmmmm

I'm stayin out of it - Dan

Too late you're here now - we'll take it out on you! -jason

Week 4 at Dagg Studios

Jason here! So another Friday pops up and it turns out to be a hot one. We had the studios to ourselves so Proprietor Aaron gave us an extra room for air flow (and fan which we never used - you can see it in the picture to the left).

As we were setting up Gra called to say he could make it which made me do the Snoopy dance with glee.

Gra, I must add has to sit down while he plays guitar. It's a bit of Jeff Healey thing methinks. But that's alright, because being the drummer it's nice to have company at that level.

Oh yeah, due to the heat and Chris's penchant for screaming vocals there was sweating of the buckets. Buckets I tell you! It was dripping off his nose!

I also did some singing, slowly getting used to the mikes. I did a warm up at first with Gra on guitar. In my head I sounded like a cross between Brian Johnson and David Coverdale. In reality I sounded like a Muppet. Still Pork Chop Chomp came out alright.

During break Dan and I shared a packet of biscuits (technically they were cookies - American Oreos to be precise).


We also took a group picture of the van just so you know we don't look like Scooby Doo characters (Gra decided I was Shaggy - I may have the hair but Dan has the shirt).

(Hmmm... blank space. I know I'll fill it with lyrics).

"Well I'm hangin' on your pork chops
Chicken wings
Spare ribs"

"ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR"

"Whoo! Yeah! C'mon baby!"

"More widdly on the guitar!"

Month One @ Dagg

we've done four weeks of recording and doing things at Dagg studio,, it's been great fun and we've got some interesting ideas down! last friday was the most sweat i've ever sweated! i was dripping so much i felt like i was underwater! thats got to be good! .. pics here:

Every biscuit is a brother

Now there's a song title! lol

Anyway just wanted to take this opportunity to thank his crunchyness Sir Chris and Viscount Jason for warmly welcoming me into biscuit heaven. I think when people know you aren't takin the biscuit, but that you are a biscuit, then you are part of the biscuit bretheren forever more. For every biscuit is a brother and what a lovely crunchy chocolate covered nutty feeling that is to behold!

It's like finally returning to the biscuit tin from whence I came.

So cheers guys.

PS: It was nice to meet Graeme again, and I look forward to dying of guitar skill envy when I meet Mr Rich.

Cohorts of The Crunchy Biscuits

JEREMY: "Then sometimes I like to just cool it on stage with maracas"

SOME GUY: "Ah, like Bez"

JEREMY: "No, nothing like fucking Bez"

-Peep Show quote.

We have our very own Bez...

His name is Al. He like rocks, apes and mooning. I am thinking he should be in random band photos. Maybe even give him album covers. Iron Maiden had Eddie the Head didn't they? We can have Al. Imagine Greatests Hits - An Inspirational Collection Tray of Crunchy Biscuits... Al in a maid costume, serving biscuits. Actually I take that back, Freud would have a field day with it...

I've already got a few other themes in mind for our album sleeves. I am thinking a James Bond one would be cool. Rich is naturally Blofeld. Gra would make a good Q. Chris with his beard would be funny as Miss Moneypenny. By that token I can be Pussy Galore. Which leaves beardless Dan as 007.

Ingredients

The Crunchy Biscuits band blog.

A truly inspiring collection of dark and light rock tracks. A rich and crisp sound, coated in groovy goodness, topped in self-mockery and individually hand-wrapped in Britain. May contain nuts.

Suitable for egalitarians.

Best Before Doomsday.

Serving Suggestion - LOUD!!!!!

Mystery Machine Gunner

The Crunchy Biscuits very own Mystery Machine (I'll have to get Chris to take a proper picture soon).

Equipped with Venus Flytrap chairs for crushing Jason, machine gun ammunition belt (one of Chris's conquests -apparently he got it from a girl)

(CHRIS EDIT: she left it in the van! i was doing a taxi service!! )and jam packed with amps, drums, bongoes and guitars.

Leaving us very little room for the mysterious fifth member (beaming down to our planet some time soon), his 4, 6 and 12-stringers, tablas, keyboard, drum machine and other Biscuit related goodness.

Perhaps what we really need is this:

toast

Cougar on a Plate...

yes, ive found this cougar here painted on a plate - it was used as the image for 'cougar at the pantry' on our myspace now! (http://www.myspace.com/crunchybiscuits) I want to find some other animals painted on plates. I think there should be plate zoo somewhere

-Chris

back at dagg for session III

Week 3 at Dagg Studio! and gra has made an appearance! .. got loads of stuff recorded and we're about to look over it all in our usual email reviews back and forth! . As you can see this week we are in 'the yellow room' , and nice and spacious it is too! water this week this fuelled our creativity for such inventions as 'cougar at the pantry' and 'waiting for the toaster'. and 'pear drop rain' here's some pics!

-Chris
















ccc

Distant Cousins?

So I was searching for biscuit related goodness and found these:

The Disco Biscuits are a Philly trance fusion jam band. They’ve been around since the nineties and have had all of 10 different spin off/side project bands.

Living proof that biscuits is a fine name.

Freshly Baked Biscuits - Week 1, 0 and Before...

So here's a little history on The Crunchy Biscuits. Back when we were a fresh faced spritely lot the Biscuits had their origins in one off sessions round people's houses. Such delectable tunes as Pubic Yeah, High on Lemsip (Low on Love) and Queen of England graced our ears.

Another Cohort of the Crunchy Biscuits jammed in those days:


He has gone by the aliases Jacko, Jim and James, is a tall lanky lad and has moves that could put Mick Jagger to shame.

Yours truly didn't officially join till after that. And of course this was in the days before we took to the studio so jamming was a pretty rare thing.
Still we kept talking about our dreams and passions for the band and I like to think sheer enthusiasm kept the fires burning.

Around February/March of this year the Biscuits had their last Jam @ People's Houses were Anal Custard. Messy Beanbag and No Place Like Gnome originated (with the added backing vocals of the neighbour banging on the wall shouting "Fuck off you knobhead!").

So we looked into finding a place to jam and even though Gra was busy with wedding plans and Rich was finding a place to live, I said to Chris well we could just tighten the rhythm section if the other two can't make it. I don't like to exclude people and Chris was like well we need to try the place out first in case we don't like it. So off we went to Dagg Studios.

Chris invited a legendary fellow called Dan to play guitars for us that night.

And so Week One began! Which resulted in some very iffy recordings what with our noise output overblowing the mics. Still Bacon Pie, Combover and the other tracks we did amused us. The low-fi vibe gave us a very punk feel.




And there you have it, a rough guide to the history of The Crunchy Biscuits.

JASON'S 'THE CHILLI SONG' (in red hot)

A song that captures my chill, Chris’s eccentricities, Gra’s pee-yow and Rich’s virtuoso.

Extra Hot Chilly. Halo Burning Murder Chilli. Satan’s Ass Ring Chilli. Chill Bum Burner. Burn’s New Arse Chilli. Yes we’ve got a title.

We want it to be cool, but with enough sauce, sass, funk and groove to get you hot. Ok then we can play with the temperature. Is it sexy? Yup and laid back too. Like I couldn’t give a monkey’s nuts. And funny too.

Burn’s New Arse Chilli

I may look chilled
But I’m burning on my own fire
My cheese is grilled
My buns are packed with mighty high fibre

I’ve got a bed of crisp lettuce
To lay you backflat
I’ve got a sausage with a message
In a tight tortilla wrap

You take your fill
You pay the bill
You wipe the corner of your mouth
I bounce your checks
I take your tips
But you know you’re coming back

I trace a finger down the spine of a list of fine wine
I pop your cork I let it breathe in a post coital sigh
On your legs I spread a napkin embroidered with my name
Burn’s New Arse Chilli
Branded in flame

And every night with me is by candlelight
Satisfaction guaranteed I’m open any time
Even on the holidays I can’t say no to you
I’m not fussy if your company’s a tabletop for two

You take your time
I take your coat
I’ll always pull out your chair
You lick your fingers
Lick your lips
And your shoulders always bare

I take your order
But I warn you
My sauce is true to my name
You can see it in the window
Burn’s New Arse Chilli
Branded in flame

Oh would the lady like it flambé?
Can I put your cream on ice?
Can I butter up your muffin?
And lay you on pillowed rice?

- J

Dagg in the way...

This photo I found on the internet whilst researching names for our songs.. it seems to really suit the song 'dog in the way' also that song is up on our myspace right now!! .......

http://profile.myspace.com/crunchybiscuits


-Chris

Some ideas for new songs...

I will look into gettin adsense done. I did actually have an idea for a song title:
"guitars for guns"
I imagine like if all the guns in the world turned to guitars. Everyone could work out there problems by having guitar duels instead of shooting each other. You could imagine a news broadcast saying "A teenager burst into a school today playing Eruption by Eddie Val Halen at exceptionally loud volume while hooked up to a 500 watt amplifier. Officers arrived on the scene with semi-automatic telecasters, in large enough numbers to quel the situation. Nobody was harmed in the incident, and in fact many of the pupils thought the teenager rocked!" LOL.

Now all I gotta do is write the song/music, lol.
If you come up with anything, cool.

-Dan

attack number 2 at dagg studio !!

In our last visit to Dagg Studio we took a bit more equipment - an old mixing desk (borrowed from Dan) and a load of mics and a PA which Dagg provided for us for an extra £5, after a bit of setting up we managed to squeeze some songs out of the equipment.. some quite interesting and fun ones at that! stopping for a break roughly half way through we realised that we had all forgotten to bring a drink and the carpetted walls in the enclosed room was keeping all that heat in.. dry snack a jacks was not going to be an easy snack.. here's a few of the pics

-Chris



dan can you hear that? (i dont think so)

stuff happening outside jasons house later that evening