video - yellow noise

here is a video for our song 'yellow noise' its quite a jam orientated recording - have fun with it!

chris

Annoucing the release of Sir dan lemonJ harrisons video

here it is! a piece of music video work where dan takes his original riff used in the song 'bubba ho tep' *an early crunchy recording from the dagg era* and uses it in combination with some pretty freakishly scary monster footage. this is a pretty interesting piece so get stuck in!

I've never seen a rhino

green nono

THE CRUNCHY CATALOGUE OF RECORDINGS

Here is a list of the recordings that we have done, some are yet to be named and some may yet be changed or updated so this is going to be a work in progress...

Codes:

C = Chris Oliver (aka 'Mr Pink Wafer / Cauliflower' / et al)
D = Daniel J Harrison (aka 'Lemon J' / Lemon J Puffinson )
J = Jason Lee (aka 'Jammie Dodger')

V = Vocals
G = Guitar
B = Bass guitar
D = Drums
P = Percussion (such as Bongo's or Tabla's)
S = Slide Guitar
AG = Acoustic Guitar
SG = Spanish Guitar

Format explained: - C (G / B), J (D)
So the above means that Chris Oliver played Guitar and Bass guitar on that particular track, and Jason Lee played Drums. As I (Dan) am not listed, I guess I must've gone looking for scotch eggs or something.

WEEK ONE (at dagg studio southport)

- bacon pie
- border control
- combover
- crazy song
- folded blanket
- jellybeans on the guitar


WEEK TWO (at dagg studio southport)

- bakery bash!
- diddly sca
- dog in the way - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- doublemint
- fish fish fish
- haunted farm - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- leisure time
- living in a glove (tarzan)
- no way down
- octobear - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- raw cliffs
- spider plant - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- wellington boots
- whalebone

WEEK THREE (at Dagg Studio Southport)

- bowl of my soul
- bubba ho tep
- cougar at the pantry
- dudes dudes dudes dudes dudes
- genie on the hour
- heavin' steven
- i got no time
- late last sunday
- leaning on the gate
- mole out of hell
- on the floor baby
- pear drop rain
- principal tie
- show you the way
- sky of wales
- trapped in a cable
- waiting for the toaster
- wolf woman
- yellow noise


WEEK FOUR (at Dagg Studio)


- bazza mambo moo
- bows and arrows
- cherry in the rain (noel edmonds)
- crabstick crawlers
- crabstick crawlers reprise
- fishery fishing song (1)
- fishery fishing song (2)
- fly teacher
- got a hat stand, its made of lego
- honky tonk horn blower
- les dawson's tie
- life without stain
- living in a cave
- pea soup
- pork chop chomp
- stolen rock
- the spanish border
- three little words
- wallet mullet


WEEK FIVE (@ DAGG southport)


- air tank
- bad beanbag
- fort lauderdale
- funny ha ha
- golden showers
- hell's pineapple
- I aint got the blues
- into the wild
- jelly mould
- read it
- seat suites
- spaghetti spaghetti
- sweating
- telephone tape
- tits mc graw
- titty fuck
- velcro iguana
- wait wait for the snake
- why wait


WEEK SIX (@ DAGG)


- bees wing
- cinnabar - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- come on baby stroke my fish
- cow pie blues
- crap salad
- got a hat stand, it's made of lego (2)
- guiena pig
- inside the box
- jigsaw pigsaw
- kitchen doom - C (B / V), D (G), J (P)
- mama - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- midget's menu
- rudolf elec
- swirling moth blues - C (B / V), D (G), J (D)
- the flipping lines
- typewriter


WEEK SEVEN ( AT DAGG SOUTHPORT)


- always not ready - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- chief bedtime skipping bear - C (B / V), D (G / S), J (D)
- cleethorpes castle
- my sick duck
- generation game
- hailstone wars
- i've been sick - C (B / V), D (G), J (D)
- makeup shakeup
- on the floor of the forest
- owee oo0h
- saloon dion - C (G / S / V), D (B), J (D)
- tea towel
- i've never seen a rhino (formerly the incredible bun)
- the theme from the crunchy biscuits
- tweed on toast - C (B / V), D (G), J (D)


WEEK EIGHT ( /// SKIPPED WEEK

WEEK NINE (AT DAGG SOUTHPORT)


- cauliflower pants
- dog in the way (take1) revisiting the track....
- dog in the way (take 2)
- drainpipe
- dungaree kangaroo
- locket tune
- no body
- sweet dream pie (formerly pie lullaby)
- sir john's shed march
- slide park
- zippy's chippy - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)


WEEK TEN (@ DAGG SOUTHPORT)

- a nice pond
- apple pie appetite - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- brown paper bag - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- dinner bat
- easter eggs
- fly teachers flight
- freeze fish
- go left
- grumbletweezer makes total mash - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- hurry hurry - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- jam overdrive - C (B / V), D (G), J (D)
- novoscotia - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- novoscotia (reprise) - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- now its alive (it's frankenstien) - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- oh poo
- see saw - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- socks for sausages - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- wallpaper
- whats all this?
- whippet crap

WEEK 11 (@ Dagg Southport)

- ugotta
- all other tracks yet to be named.


WEEK 12 (@ THE HOUSE)

- castle strudel
- lada louts
- steven survivor
- thinking about pie

WEEK 13 @ the house

- deer hunters
- dream of man D (G), J (V) (Lyrics by Jason Lee)
- guve it away
- green nono
- if you mattered not - D (G), J (V) (Lyrics by Jason Lee)
- illegalese - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- jason and dan jam
- lemonous mellow
- poo no.2
- shes my lover - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- shes my lover 2 - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- spam jam with J an Dan
- spamma mia
- spamming around
- the blue ball blues
- washing line
- we've come for you

WEEK 14 @ THE HOUSE

- (13 tracks yet to be named)
- go left (full recorded version)
- nothing but cabbage
- super smashing great

WEEK 15 @ the house


- (8 tracks yet to be named)

WEEK 16 @ THE House

(friday)
- amber cabamber
- boys banned
- devil seas (take 1) - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- devil seas (take 2) - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- eye of the tiger (cover) - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- featherstone hearts - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- five alive - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- flying leopards
- frogman
- lemon supper
- rock blogger
- silo
- sound saga
- up in the hills

(saturday)
- bubble & squeak
- cheesedinner
- life long
- make indigo
- motorpike
- mrs jelly belly - C (B), D (G), J (V) (Lyrics by Jason Lee)
- rag man muffin - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- ridge mountain
- simia
- terrible moan
- treadmill


WEEK 17 @the house

- lemon juice groove
- writing on my lunchbox

WEEK 18 @


WEEK 19 @ // some work outside the house

WEEK 20 @ the house

- fire in the breadbin
- iceberg march - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- it's gone
- jason eating crisps
- matchbox baby
- new wires frontiers
- russian spoon
- shipping out
- slider
- slippery anchor
- sounds of sunshines
- spidery legs
- tea time at groggins
- throw it away
- tightrope line - C (B / V), D (G), J (D)
- tightrope line (take 2) - C (B / V), D (G / S), J (D)
- travel oars

WEEK 21 @ the house

- dressing town - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- dunnage trousers - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- jason and dan - D (G), J (V)
- lemon not lime - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- where on - C (B / V), D (G), J (D)

SEASON TWO - WEEK 1

- bongo christ - C (B / V), D (G), J (D)
- scotch egg shoes - C (B / V), D (G), J (D)
- headlights (never there) - C (B / V), D (G), J (D)
- harmful fly - C (B / V), D (G), J (D)
- (not there)
- ZZ lime - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- lionel mountain - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- unfinished - C (D), D (G), J (V)
- now its alive its crackly frank (1) -- C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- now its alive its crackly frank (2) -- C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- not its alive its crackly frank (3) -- C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
-
- now its alive its crackly frank (4) - -- C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- now its alive alive its crackly frank (5) followed by
hidden footage at around 5:20 mark
- fizzy mumbo -- C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- slower shower -- C (G / V), D (B), J (D)
- devil gone blues -- C (B / V), D (G), J (D)
- scotch eggs?? superb recipe guide here -- C (B / V), D (G), J (D)

wk 2

Guitar Riff - C (B / V), D (G), J (D)
Night Ride - C (B / V), D (G), J (D)
Ray Ears - C (B / V), D (G), J (D)
Where on Earth - C (B / V), D (G), J (D)

Dan's House Session - Yet to be listed

Chris's House Session - Yet to be listed

Bedford Park Project - July 2011

Park Potatoes - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)

Bedford Park Branches - C (G / V), D (B), J (D)

song 3 *instrumental* C (G), D (B) J (D)

Dan's House Session 2012

My Library Book
(rest yet to be named)

Dan's Video for the ''cinnabar''

nice work here dan, i think these red items really go well with the sounds in the song - especially when that wall plaque comes up its very exciting viewing. ha ha
-chris

The day Michael Palin met Crunchy Biscuits

So Mr Pink Wafer (Chris) and I (Lemon J) met Michael Palin today at a book signing at Broadhurst's bookshop in town (Southport). There was a moment of panic on the way, as I, being the Lemon that I am, got my dates mixed up and brought along:

"Sarah Palin, halfway to Russia (lookin out my window), the early years".

Luckily Mr Wafer had brought along Michael's book, which of course is:

"Halfway to Hollywood: Diaries 1980-88 by Michael Palin"

After about 40 mins of freezing our "finegrs" off in the queue, Michael finally got to meet us. He'd even put the fire on for us, which was decent of him. In fact, although our encounter was brief, Michael was a true gent, a jolly nice chap, just as we already knew, of course.

Just before we walked up to meet him, some nice ladies from the book store kept askin us what we wanted Michael to write in the book. We kept saying it was ok, because we wanted Michael to write his own thing. After being asked a few times by the ladies, I just blurted out "we're crunchy biscuits, so we want it signed to crunchy biscuits." The lady looked puzzled for some reason, and stopped asking me after that.

Anyway Mr Wafer asked Mr Palin to write something about Crunchy Biscuits, while he simultaneously threw a couple of Crunchy Biscuits badges on the table and told Michael a bit about what we're about. I asked Mr Bicycle Repair Man, erm I mean Mr Palin what was his favourite biscuit. Well I'll let Mr Wafer reveal the answer to that, as he has the picture of the signed book which he'll be adding to this blogpost soon, no doubt! Michael looked really pleased to meet a couple of nutters, as everyone else seemed pretty ordinary and just wanted things like, "To Mildred, Love from Michael" signed in their books. He seemed to revel in being able to write pretty much anything (as long as it concerned crunchy biscuits) in the book we gave him to sign.

He shook our hands and off we went. A brief but brilliant encounter. Yes Michael Palin finally got to meet Crunchy Biscuits, and get a couple of priceless badges to boot. The man is surely blessed.

Thanks Mr Palin. What a legend!

Lemon J

PS: on our way out, Palin shouted over at us: "the original Crunchy Biscuits, eh!" to which I returned, pointing back at him: "Yeah, you'll remember that name"

What a day! BUZZIN!!! :D

-------------------------------------------------------------

waiting for the toaster - video

Video Featuring Daniel (lemon J) Harrison preparing toast - an interesting look at the waiting we do for such things as toast to become toasted. part of Dan's guitar solo is timed in with an impatient moment where he's checking the toast in the video - aarrgh! its not quite done!

HI, ..we've been adding a few of videos to youtube and we've had dan's halloween themed myspace list of music. As last week was quite packed with events we have not had a day of recording - i just posted this song up on myspace and called it 'super smashing great' (from week 14) . I reckon its a crazy sounding thing that reminds me of when you let a dog off its leash to run around and go mad where it likes - ok for a laugh! so the video when it gets done will reflect this with some lively movement of the camera. More videos to come for lots of songs (some of them with moving images!) we may be doing some more recordings on saturday or sunday coming up.
-Chris



super smashing great

Biscuitgate

British politics: The cookie crumbles

Will the U.K. government finally fall over thanks to Biscuitgate?
By Barry Neild — Special to GlobalPost
Published: October 24, 2009 10:16 ET

LONDON, U.K. — It has survived the worst of the financial crisis, weathered conflict in Afghanistan and shrugged off an embarrassing parliamentary expenses scandal, but the resolute leadership of British Prime Minister Gordon Brown this week looked like it was finally crumbling — over cookies.

With an election looming in early 2010, Brown has been out on the campaign trail, trying to reverse a plunge in popularity by persuading his jaded public that the media has unfairly miscast him as an aloof and gloomy leader beset by indecision over key issues.

So it was that the prime minister, in the role of a friendly man-of-the-people, joined a Q and A session with subscribers to parental advice website Mumsnet, little suspecting that what was intended as a cozy chat would become a storm in that most British of institutions: a teacup.

Happy to talk about weighty matters such as education, climate change and the economy, a loquacious Brown easily parried most of the questions but stumbled over a disarmingly simple topic raised by one curious mother: What's your favorite biscuit?

Not to be confused with the floury companion to gravy often found on plates in the southern United States, biscuits are what the British call cookies — or at least they do when they're not referring to them by bizarre and unappetizing brand names, of which there are hundreds.

Workplaces across the U.K. would grind to a halt unless fueled by Hobnobs, Ginger Nuts, Digestives and Custard Creams, with consumption levels reflecting not only the quirks of a country of tea drinkers but also their need to compensate for such a wet national beverage.

While it should therefore be no surprise that the voters of Britain would be thirsty for news of what their leader dunks in his morning brew, Brown clearly thought the matter too flippant and ignored it, despite being asked by Mumsnet readers no fewer than 12 times.

"Maybe he needs to consult with his advisers on what would be the most vote-winning biscuit to admit to liking," wrote one Mumsnet member, as the prime minister wrapped up his 70-minute chat, brushed non-existent crumbs from his lap and headed home to Downing Street.

But the questioning didn't stop. Reporters quickly took up the baton, pestering his press people for an answer. The following day Brown's biscuit breakdown made front page in the London Times. The right wing tabloid Daily Mail, somewhat predictably, called it "Biscuitgate."

http://www.globalpost.com/dispatch/united-kingdom/091022/british-politics-cookie-downing

Romany

Yep, its some zippy

Hey, we've just finished putting this piece of video together at the house on our 20th week of biscuit creations - enjoy flipping zippy going all over the place all to the crazy sound of our song zippy's chippy - inspired by the rainbow chippy in birkdale village Southport ... and my thoughts about if zippy himself was to serve chips there, dropping them all on the floor and stuff - what a great time that would be.

Visit our Myspace page for more:

http://profile.myspace.com/crunchybiscuits

you need to see this epidode of rainbow to fully understand: /see 2:48 for zippy extract/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M62SnbNizIM

Thanks!

Biscuit Education!

from this website : http://bbab.org.uk/




Revealed: The most dangerous biscuit in Britain is.. the Custard Cream

Sep 8 2009 By Janice Burns

CUSTARD creams are Britain's most dangerous biscuits, it was revealed yesterday A study claimed an estimated 25million people in Britain had been injured by biscuits.

Hidden dangers included flying fragments and daredevil dunking in scalding tea. And custard creams were the worst offenders, posing the biggest risk to innocent dunkers.

Around 500 people a year need hospital treatment because of biscuit injuries.

The study by Mindlab found 29 per cent of adults had been splashed or scalded by hot drinks while dunking or trying to fish the remnants from hot tea.

They also found 28 per cent had choked on crumbs and 10 per cent had broken a tooth or filling biting a biccy.

More unusually, three per cent had poked themselves in the eye with a biscuit and seven per cent were bitten by a pet or "other wild animal" trying to get their biscuit.

One man ended up stuck in wet concrete after wading in to pick up a stray biscuit.

Mindlab have now devised a Biscuit Injury Threat Evaluation, or B.I.T.E. Custard creams get a risk rating of 5.63.

The study was commissioned by Rocky - which was rated the country's third riskiest type of biscuit.

Mindlab International director Dr David Lewis said: "We tested the physical properties of 15 popular types of biscuits, along with aspects of their consumption such as dunkability and crumb dispersal.

"Then a mathematician correlated these findings with a nationwide survey of over 1000 adults."

Mike Driver, of Rocky, said: "Working with biscuits every day, we'd long suspected they're not as innocent as they look - and we were right."

Week Five Alive

This week and maybe next we've all decided to take a short break to recharge our batteries - here is something we recorded on the 18th Sep - adapeted for YouTube by sir Daniel J Harrison just today.



nice work dan! :::::::::::::

week 17

Hey, did quite a lot of recording this week in the house,, i was feeling a bit sick and flu'ish but decided to press on! we had aeroplanes passing over us constantly cos of the air show but couldnt hear them when playing loud.. see the my space for a few more songs just recorded between sat and sunday (see: http://profile.myspace.com/crunchybiscuits ) - we have plans soon for outside recordings possibly from a cave and other things to do with more videos! so stay tuned :) chris

for the song: restaurant nightmares

for the song: trawlermen

New Eurofighter music video by - Daniel 'lemon J'

yep, having just found this home crafted YouTube gem of a video and being quite excited about it i've decided to post it up here - I'm quite enjoying sir Dan's creation here - he explains all about the decisions and thought processes that went into this in the info bit on the youtube page, so be sure to have a quick look! hopefully we will be adding many more to our youtube account - i have one specifically in mind of a song about allotments and pumpkins - so stay tuned!

-Chris

recording in the house / studio

We have started doing our recordings in a house in Southport town.. It's great cos its near a pub! actually meters away from one.. we got a few tracks done on the Saturday and filmed a few instumental ones on friday , its a good set up allowing us to review material over speakers before starting the next song - so we can adjust along the way,, should be even better when its a bit more finished in there. This week we had our friend mark down with his camera to do some filming work, hes going to collect up some material and work it into his own film, should be interesting. so were pretty excited by working here for the moment - we went for a chinese meal to celebrate, mmm pretty good!

-Chris

blind train - the new song

heres an image for our song 'blind train' .. im enjoying this song, the guitar part really sounds like a train grinding along on some tracks and maybe blindly going along according to its tracks route.. also this pic of someones guide dog guiding them along like a train seems quite a good connection - there are some ''woof woof's'' in the song which further tie all this together - im pretty pleased with it and on my next train journey ill be sure to have it on my mp3! Dan has further ideas on this song and title:

''blind train is like people are born and they're put on tracks, you're expected to do this, follow the family tradition, culture, etc. Even down to following the 'genes'. You're expected to look the same as your family to a degree. These are 'tracks' and each person is the train. Tracks are ok to a degree, but there's comes a point in life when we are conscious, we have choice, which overrides all of the aforementioned expectations. People who stay blind and don't create their own tracks will eventually crash, because it's not the destination their 'higher being' wants to head to. You can't fake it, you can kid yourself for a while, but you'll eventually crash. That's why people get ill, in all manner of ways, coz they're on some predetermined tracks, not their own, n it don't work that way.''

jelly dogs, lemon puffs, coffee and cakes in liverpool

Vintage aluminium dog and peas jelly moulds up for auction on ebay!

yep, this week we've had a meeting/outing in liverpool doing a bit of discussion and equipment buying ,before our recording practice at dagg studio southport, our 11th week of recording was pretty good! although we lost 11 of the first songs done to a nasty amount of loud hum from one of the mics being too loud next to an amp.. however we managed to re-capture a song and made a few more up.. after which a good few hours were spent in the kew branch of mcDonalds discussing various sorts of things. new ideas include balancing boxes of biscuits atop the heads to see how that affects things, using snorkels, and bringing jelly with us as a sweet energy boosting snack. perhaps eating the jelly through snorkels would sound interesting... also the idea to use some of jason's writing skillis in the form of short 4 line verse formats to use as song lyric inspiration - we've also discussed the possibility of having small runs of vinyl records done in the future that we can sell individually. Dan is also working on some home made music videos but is struggling with cyberlink software and a slow home PC,, i would like to suggest a video including zippy from rainbow trying to serve chips with his big 3 fingered hands to customers in the birkdale 'rainbow' chippy, would be ideal for the song 'zippy's chippy' im sure this could be possible if we asked them about it. (news just found: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/2147604.stm ) biscuits too are a possibility - there are a few of the new songs up, have a look! http://profile.myspace.com/crunchybiscuits

- Chris

Week X

Yes folks it's that time again and welcome to a very special edition of Crunchy Biscuits Adventures. This week we found our intrepid heroes dare the soundscapes of Nova Scotia, Dinner Bat (the oy song!) and Now It's Alive, It's Frankenstein!

Frankenstein came about because I was playing dead in Chris's garage earlier and I think it stuck in Chris' subconscious when he came up with the lyrics.

We were talking the week before how as soon as the mics come on there's this pressure to perform - interfering with our process. So we suggested we take a leisurely approach this week. That idea went right out the window when Chris was inspired by our manic jamming to keep the energy up and go speedy crazy one song after the other.

It killed us but it did have the added benefit of allowing me to record my first drum solo which resulted in a lot of screaming and tiring myself out. The song (Grumbletweezer Makes Total Mash) descended into a chilled out jazz vibe after that but the damage was done I had been liberated and no one would be safe thereafter.

We also ran out of memory too so didn't get to record all of Go Left which was a shame because it was a goodun. Still enough of it's there to refer back to if we ever decide to do it again.

And then there was the mystery of the unknown Doritos flavour. See they'd been doing this promotion of not labelling their bags so you don't know what you're getting. When it came to our Crunchy Biscuits Break I handed them out. Dan said they tasted like Monster Munch. I said they were beefy...

... and three hours later Chris called out "Pot noodle!"

Awww, those were the days...

a sea saw

i've been messing around with our new song 'see saw' and found this pic here, ive tried to sort out the eq's and stuff. see how you like it at:

http://profile.myspace.com/crunchybiscuits

sweet dream pie

yes 'sweet dream pie' available here : http://profile.myspace.com/crunchybiscuits , have a listen to one of our newest tunes ! I have selected this strange and dreamlike artwork for the song,

here is what i had to say in my email sending the song over after some work:

'' I like this song a lot and think it has a lot of good things going on in it,, i like the faded level of the vocals not taking over too much, maybe the guitar is a tiny bit too high , and the bass not quite clear enough,, but overall its understandable and good.. i have adjusted the eq's a bit and filled in the guitar part with another secondary distorted electric cos i think i sounded slightly out of rythm in some places, so the other part will accompany the lead and iron out the wonky stuff i was playing on my broken stringed guitar, great! ''

heres some possible lyrics to this one:

SWEET DREAM PIE

I looked high on the riverboat
rivers rise up
had to let me down but
you would'nt let me

high on the rythm
that rythm's never done
9 9 9 9 9

Don't let me wind, unwind
I'm just satisfied
Leave my leopards fine

Why why why
did you let us, let us
just leave my drivers and I

why why why
opposite
why why why

why why why
babysit
why why why

LEAD BIT IN BETWEEN -----------------------

Dinnerplate, Dinnerplate
I don't do nothing but
laugh and overtime

Tea high
dinner fly
let's just settle by
lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie

lie lie lie
lie lie lullaby

lie lie lie
lie lie lullaby

lie lie lie
lie lie lullaby

oooh

BIT OF A GUITAR SOLO-----------------------

lullaby
lullaby
lullaby



-Chris

Bubba Ho-Tep

No image gallery would be complete without our god and inspiration...

Yes we did indeed do a song called Bubba Ho-Tep. It's one of our best.

Dan thinks we sound a little like The Fun Lovin' Criminals on it. It makes me larf. Especially the part were Gra laughed at Chris's expressions during the recording.

Thankyoveymuch... left the building.

Cows Pie Blues

This what you get when you cross British comics, a bandmember called Dan and a song called Cows Pie Blues.

For when you have to go like clockwork. Yes, a clock made from the shit of cows. I kid you not.

Crabstick Crawlers Reprise

I would hate to meet the crab these balls came from...

Crabstick Crawlers

Serving suggestion.

Mole Out of Hell

See how his little hands wave at you.

If I had the skills, I would photoshop little flames around him.

Illustrating Songs

So fellow Biscuiteers. You may have noticed Chris likes to post what at first may appear to be random pictures of cougars, toasters and the like. There is a method to his madness, to quote ole Shakes-a-spear.

His plan is to illustrate songs we've done, like Cougar in the Pantry and Waiting for the Toaster. He also does the same thing with our Facebook profile image.

So with that in mind I shall now follow in Chris's example presenting a little gallery of images with explanatory song titles.

Go fuck yourselves ~ Song lyrics

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Week 9 Review! - Chris snaps his G-String! but gallantly soldiers on!

So, looks like I've been roped in to write the review for week 9. huh, like as if my musical genius wasn't contribution enough! Anyway, onwards...

So I'll just get on with writing up what happened at the actual studios. I mean you don't need to know what happened on the run up to that do you? Oh well if you insist, I brushed my teeth, changed my shoes and had a slash. I also drank a shedload of water coz I was very hung over.

Picking up Jason we saw he had his flares on and some crazy big shoes (I can't remember what you call em, ermm...Platforms?) . He'd made extra effort as a friend of ours is planning to "documtentize" one of our musical recording outings, but alas it won't be for another week or two.

During setup, Jason put on some of the cheesiest OAP cruise ship music you'll ever hear anywhere this side of, well, anywhere! But there wasn't time for the Tango, we had to plug in and tune up!

After setting up, Jason had the brilliant idea that Chris should, to paraphrase, "try strumming the guitar more like Pete Towsend and less like George Formby! for a change." *No offence George, you're our hero!* With a bit of trepadation at first (Would George be turning in his grave!?!) Chris soon took this task to hand with his usual enthusiasm. In fact with so much enthusiasm that by the end of the first song he'd snapepd his G-string. But we biscuits are made of crunchier stuff, and Chris gallantly soldiered on, doing brilliantly if I may say so, without this most important of strings.

You know what, I haven't heard back the tunes we did yet, so I can't really comment too much on that just yet. But I felt week 9! it was a very good session indeed. We thought about the tunes a bit more before going full throttle into them. As a result we only recorded about 10 new tunes this week (ONLY! lol, that's an album right there!) but I believe we'll have progressed even more as a result. I can't wait to hear them back!

As I say I can't comment too much yet, but as I also said earlier, Chris did very well on the guitar, I stayed on the bass all night on this occasion, and Jason's drumming sounded cool.
To be honest, at this stage at least, we don't really comment so much on each others playing. We're all our own worst critics and our own best lovers. Yes I love myself, boo hoo! If I do something that I think is great, I'll say so, just as much as if I thought it was cr@p!
Having said that, we are starting to make more and more suggestions to each other, and Jason is really growing into the role of musical director, if you will. Again, it's all about progressing, and I envision us all as being in the mixing bowl at the minuite, slightly separated to a degree, like different ingredients swirling ideas around, and one day we will all be a part of one huge crunchy biscuit, and anyone who takes a bite out of us will experience the most marvelous taste. Ok, that's about as corny as I can be, for now!

Basically the one is the all, the all is the one as my m,ulti-dimensional mate Bashar says.
bashar.org

With about fifteen minutes to go we (or someone) decided we should give the all time classic "Dog in the way" another go. Unfortunately I had a "moment" and I couldn't for the life of me get to grips with the bass line, despite Chris' best efforts showing me how to play this insanely simple yet effective bass line. It felt like, like when someone asks you your name and you can't even remember it?.... Oh, only me then, hmm. Anyway we managed to do a take but I think we all agreed it didn't really work. We'll hear more soon enough!

Five minutes to go and we blasted out another tune, then it was time to pack up. I even managed to have a bit of a chat to Aaron, the proprieter of Dagg studios, who's a jolly decent chap. Well actually Chris is always chattin to him at the end but my heads always usually elsewhere (like, "how does twinkle twinkle little star go again?") . Anyway least he now knows I'm not a mute/and or something now, lol. At the end of the night my hangover had cleared. Amazing isn't it, to think that blasting out tunes at incredible volumes in a small room is the best hangover cure in the world! You heard it here first. Cheques to Mr Daniel James if you please.

Pics will be edited in at a later date. Like when Chris returns from Coventry! And no!, we didn't send him to Coventry! I can assure you!

So for now it's goodnight from me. And it's goodnight from me! :D

Crunchy Biscuits Crunch Japan!

There's summit about the Tokyo/Japanese audience that seems to bring ther very best out of bands. The SRV one I posted earlier from Tokyo was fucking insane. As is this one. I reckon if the Crunchy Biscuits band ever tour, we'll do Japan first. I might even try n mastermind a cult following in Japan, lay the foundations if ya get ma.

Sianara! PPuL!!!

Imaginary Week 8

I was off with a case of major man-flu (or minor swine flu) this week so the Biscuits remained in their tin. But we can always imagine what may have happened.

So to paraphrase Alan Moore here's an imaginary story. Huh, aren't they all?

We arrived to find Dagg Studios full of pornstars dubbing their new movie with authentic orgasmic cries. Ever the troopers we soldiered on.

The surprising thing about pornographic voice artists is that they look nothing like their visual counterparts. Instead the best sounding women look like ordinary plane Janes. So next time you dismiss some chick for her looks think about what's inside of her (ie a healthy pair of lungs).

We warmed up with a Crunchy Biscuit style adaptation of Flight of the Wounded Bumblebee, each of us taking turns to perform a virtuoso solo. Segued nicely into a new track called The Birds and the Bees - nursery rhymme-esque and inspired by next rooms shenanigans.

Chris used up all the batteries on his camera taking pictures of the ladies (for his own personal use, he said) so I've had to resort to an older picture to illustrate this weeks blog. He also brought us our next bit of merchandise - Crunchy Biscuits Action Figures! They're caricatures of our good selves and each figure comes complete with musical accessories (including a mini kazoo for yours truly!). They also have in built action features - Chris has a mouth-splitting siren's wail, Dan has a Pete Townsend guitar windmill signature move and mine's called drummer-choking-on-his-own-vomit.

We also did a song called Jump Ship featuring Dan on the foghorn, Pull the Chain with me on the toilet and Look Ma No Hands with Chris on the piano.

Because we were in the end room, when we went on our break we had to go through next door to get outside upsetting the poor voice artists. And when our break was over they needed some inspiration so we went back pantless.

We ended our session with Soggy Biscuit Blues and a power balad version of Saloon Dion.

Much fun was had by all and we hope you tune in next week to see how youtubing Stevie Ray Vaughn and Oasis inspired Legendary Dan.

Crunchy Biscuit Tin

Someone had the great idea of converting a biscuit tin into a ukele!

We'd be happy with just a biscuit tin with our name on it...

on the floor of the forest

This Week @ Dagg (week7)

yes, good! we got a fair few songs done. it was wet and rainy so we were using umbrellas and plastic bags to protect equipment while moving it.. there was a small smouldering mass of vegetation over the wall next to Dagg Studio when we arrived which we were all having a look at - the rain was beating it down, it smelt pretty interesting. This week we were using 'the viz' for inspiration - particularly 'aesops cables' a fine story. I will be working through some of the recorded material and trying to get something out of that

-Chris

mama

here is some artwork that I found whilst searching for an image to go with our new song 'mama', we did not know what the text was until checking it out in the interenet cafe today - but it goes quite well with the songs manic structure (probably :)

check out 'mama' on myspace now! http://www.myspace.com/crunchybiscuits







-Chris/Dan from the internet café opposite wilkinsons cameras on eastbank st (£1/hour) but no coffee at the moment :(

dagging away

week six at dagg,, yes good amount of songs recorded - and jason takes to the bass! see picture... we have been getting updated on the material we've recorded so far - so that we've got copies of everything and emailing the thoughts during the week,, this helps to come up with new bits of ideas and send them forth so there are some ideas floating around before we get started. I will just about have jasons usb device updated this eveining, so ill drop it off later!
reverb pedal is fixed for friday,, and i'm working on some bass drum recording and EQ issues, its tricky to get that punchy sound sometimes! in the meantime see what has been made from 'jigsaw pigsaw' on myspace: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=150793336

-Chris

Previously on The Crunchy Biscuits...

So before Week Six commences I best lay a post down saying what happened the week before.

It began with Chris handing me a sweaty tissue. At least he told me he'd been sitting on it, possibly collecting the sweat in his muchly exposed butt crack. He told me afterwards BTW.

He also handed each of us our first Crunchy Biscuits merchandise, a little badge (pin for you Americans) featuring the Cougar in the Pantry art. Ohhhh it made me larf.

Gra captured the modelling pose.

And I captured the Guitar Hero pose.

We played a blinder of a session that night. I took to the Muppet vocals again starting off the soon to be classic track - Tits McGraw.

Gra sang Golden Showers with great riffage and a vast improvement on the drums by moi. Not content with playing bass, rhythm and lead Dan took to the bongoes. Oh yeah Chris has been dabbling on drums too which makes me happy cause then I can play frontman and strut me stuff.We also got to see the first steps in Chris and the End of Entertainment's Super Secret Mission which fills me with much glee for the future. More news on that later when we can reveal what exactly is going on. Suffice to say it is really cool and should involve our next piece of merchandise - The Crunchy Biscuits biscuit tin.

Also if you ever breakdown on the highway and see The Crunchy Biscuits Mystery Machine - expect to be laughed at as we drive past.

One For the Album Sleeve

The Theme From “The Crunchy Biscuits”

ROOOAAAAAARRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In a town in the west, named after the south
There’s a band in a studio off Sussex
Although they play here and now
They come from the past
In the days before the bible in Pre-Atlantis

It was there that a great masterful chef
Baked his first chocolate cake
And he said he would eat it after supper
And woe was this cake the cake of all cakes
And had the people not tasted anything quite like it before

Well this cake was the talk of the town
And the people they did ask if he could make another one
And the chef said he had forgotten how he did it
Well the people were afraid to finish what was left
So they let the cake remain untouched
It grew stale and it turned into a biscuit

Whooaaooaoaoaooaoaoaoaoaooaoaoaoah-ooh!

Woe did the ages pass
Atlantis sank
Continents split
And at the bottom of a temple in the bottom of the sea
Lay the treasure of all treasures the first of all crunchy biscuits

Oooh…

And the gods took a pity
On the near forgotten and half-eaten biscuit
And imbued it with mystical powers
So the biscuit now could dream and it wandered the seas
In spirit form did it search for a new owner
But the fish weren’t too bright
And the dolphins lacked sweet teeth
So the spirit of the biscuit took to land
It was there in the west, named after the south
That the spirit of the mystic biscuit took possession of a rock and roll band
Ladies and gentlemen we present to you…
The Theme From the Crunchy Biscuits

..It's made of Lego!

Following the new song 'got a hat stand, it's made of lego' I have found this mp3 player on the internet in the style of lego. It's a good idea to play your music on a piece of lego for sure! I think these will replace ipods and eventually houses.

http://www.geekalerts.com/lego-style-mp3-player/

-Chris